Yes, today was my birthday and The J was in top form this year, promising me I would do things I’ve never done before, so…
I woke to this… Our first property sitting job in a beaut little spot near Yeppoon, Qld.
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You’ve just run out of the classroom in heaving, desperate tears. This feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened – and it feels like it’s all your fault. It seems that you’ve let everyone down – your parents, yourself, your school, and your lovely teacher, Mr Emery, who you’ve just told to go away.
Your head is spinning. Your heart is a bird beating madly against a window. You can’t catch your breath. The summer heat is suffocating – and it seems you’ve brought that on yourself, too.
But it’s okay. Really, it is. You’ve had an anxiety attack – that’s all this is. A trick of the mind. The world won’t stop turning because nerves have got the better of you and you’ve had to pull out of the public speaking competition. No-one cares about the competition. They only care about you. Tell the people who love you how you feel. Tell them what’s going on.
Holding these shadows inside yourself is going to cause you a lot of grief for a long time, and shame will cause you to make some fairly appalling decisions. Anxiety will trap you in its fist for thirty years, dragging you down, blinding you to your strengths and gifts. It will physically trap you in your house at one point, making you too terrified to go outside, making you unable to drive your kids to school.
It will cause you to not quite see the very brave and tenacious woman growing all the time beneath the shadows. The woman who gives of herself so fiercely: a mother, a friend, a lover. A writer.
You will do some outrageously courageous things. You will step out into the sun despite your
fears. You will even risk your life to save your lover and never quite understand how you did it. You will write out your heart every day – novels and novels of it – and although right now, here as you catch your breath outside the classroom, it’s unthinkable that you will ever be able to talk about your writing, you will overcome this fear too. In fact, these days it can be difficult to shut you up.
You still have anxiety – you will always have your struggles with anxiety – but you will learn to listen to those who love you, you will learn to speak through the shadows when you must, and you will never let anxiety rob you of the sun again.
Signed,
Your forty-eight-year-old self.
PS: And you really needn’t have worried about embarrassing yourself in front of Mr Emery. He can guess what you’re going through, and he’s a writer too. He’ll go on to become an esteemed Australian poet – and one of your biggest fans.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Kim Kelly has written four novels and the acclaimed novella, Wild Chicory. When she’s not writing, she’s an editor and literary consultant – because too much story is never enough.
Her latest novel is Jewel Sea. Buy from preferred retailer:
CLICK: The Author People and for the next stop on Kim’s blog tour go to: A Bigger, Brighter World: Wednesday 14th September
Blog: https://kkauthorlady.wordpress.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KimKellyAuthor/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/KimKellyAuthor
[bctt tweet=”What advice does @kimkellyauthor give her 16 y.o self? #LetterToMyself https://www.jennjmcleod.com/blog/a-letter-to-myself-author-list” username=”jennjmcleod”]
Life is simple on top of the mountain for David, Matthew and Tilly until the winter of 1979 when tragedy strikes, starting a chain reaction that will ruin lives for years to come. Those who can, escape the Greenhill banana plantation on the outskirts of Coffs Harbour. One stays—trapped for the next thirty years on the mountain and haunted by memories and lost dreams. That is until the arrival of a curious young woman, named Sidney, whose love of family shows everyone the truth can heal, what’s wrong can be righted, the lost can be found, and . . . there’s another side to every story.
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And what fun! From opening night drinks and mingling with *warning: name-dropping ahead*: Kate Forsyth, Charlotte Wood, Jane Caro, David Dyer, and more) books and bookish types took over the pretty streets of Mudgee, where every second shop is a cafe and every second person a book (or wine) lover.
Officially, I was there as a presenter and I talked ‘Books With Heart’ with Amy Andrews, Alissa Callen and Charlotte Nash (about how the heart finds its way into all sorts of books: fiction, memoir, medical, sporting stories, even . . . cook books!! A robust cab sav is required in such instances! That’s ‘offal’ I know! ) We stuck mostly to fictional hearts: hearts that flutter, bang, burst, pound, race, tear, rip, break, swell, jump, thump, beat, bleed and skip and love, hate, ache, sigh, melt, palpitate, sink, shatter, somersault, radiate, glow, embrace, adore and feel. We discussed how hearts talk to us and betray us; become our weakness and our strength; and make us spontaneous and (according to the character in my next book) sometimes makes us wait.
Then, for something a little different, I had a few laughs with Candice Fox about outback serial killers and psychopaths. In fact I asked Candice for her thoughts on the most effective means of warding of potential psychopaths from my caravan door while free camping. I offered her a list of strategies:
(Yes, she thought #3 might work, too.)
While the welcome was warm (the atmosphere too) the temps were a tad chilly. (Minus 2 over night.)
Of course my book tour of NSW started well before Mudgee. We took the long road, starting with the launch of book four – The Other Side of the Season – at my home base – The Coffs Coast and after that a whole lot of small towns.
May 19, 2016
Author talk: Nambucca Library
Lots of lovely local media.
May 25, 2016
Library Event/Official Launch
Book number 4 of my Season Collection with more great PRINT MEDIA and a book signing at The Book Warehouse.
July 9, 2016
Library Event and a catch up with Nicole and Greg
DIGITAL MEDIA Moree Champion
and Local businesses got on board.
Big Sky Libraries online newsletter
Moree Plains Shire Council (online)
Moree Champion (print and online)
July 19, 2016
Only because I gatecrashed the local book club discussion! What fun!
July 23, 2016
Library Event – huge turnout. They made me feel like a star, even without a guitar!
RADIO CHAT ON 88.9 FM (Pulse)
TV News coverage – NBN: NSW Western District CLICK to Play
Articles: PRINT and DIGITAL MEDIA: Northern Daily Leader article and Northern Daily Leader f/u story
August 6, 2016
Book Store/Book Signing: The Book Connection: SOLD OUT of stock!
PRINT MEDIA (two pages): Dubbo PhotoNews Magazine 
Advertorial mention by The Book Connection
August 7, 2016
Special Author Event: Jenn J McLeod – In conversation @ Red Earth Vineyard (yes, there was wine). (Dubbo retweets)
August 13 and 14, 2016
PRINT/DIGITAL MEDIA: : Guardian Festival features Jane Caro and Jenn J McLeod
And pre-event PRINT MEDIA: Discover Magazine
Massive social media coverage by MRF
August 20, 2016
Book signing: Big W, Charlestown (biggest shopping centre EVA!)
August 25, 2016
RADIO interview: 2NVR Radio – Elizabeth’s Turning Pages.
So, there you have it.
And home in time to remember Mum on her birthday and share Father’s Day with Dad.
Oh, and by the way… If you are into stats, we did around 3,200 kms and fed the beast about $650.00 in diesel. While it was a great experience and fun, I do hope my tour helped to get my name out there and I found some more lovely readers. Word of mouth is the best compliment. (Have you told someone today about the last great book you read?)