Tag: Bar Yarns

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Bar Yarns with Joanne van Os

This is pretty exciting.

The bar gets some amazing authors dropping by, and today’s country pub dweller is Joanne van Os (and something tells me Joanne is quite comfy in a country pub!)

Joanne van Os is an Australian writer living in Darwin, Northern Territory. She is the author of best-selling memoir Outback Heart, the story of her life with the “Real Crocodile Dundee” Rod Ansell, their adventures living in the remote parts of the Territory, and his subsequent spiral into tragedy.

Find out more about Joanne’s amazing story and her books: www.joannevanos.com

Welcome to Calingarry Crossing, Jo. First, here is a beer coaster! Take a minute to jot down the blurb for your book – Ronan’s Echo.

“The legacy of love and war ripples across time…”

In 1916 twin brothers Denny and Connor Ronan are eager to get to the war before it’s all over; Bridie O’Malley, their childhood friend and the woman they both love, watches them leave, understanding too late that war is about more than heroes and handsome boys in uniform.

Nearly a century on from the disastrous battle of Fromelles, forensic anthropologist Kat Kelso, Bridie’s great granddaughter, is in France identifying the recovered bodies of lost Australian soldiers. The discovery of her own relative amongst the dead men begins the unravelling of a hundred years of family history, lies and secrets.

Grab a pew. What can I get you to go with your beer nuts? (Shandy? Wine Spritzer? Pink Lemonade?)

A cold pinot noir would be lovely

Hey, did you hear the one about … Tell us a joke (preferably one that comes with a punch line you actually remember!)

A man goes skydiving. After a fantastic free fall he pulls the rip-cord to open his parachute but nothing happens. He tries everything but can’t get it open.

Just then another man flies by him, going UP. The skydiver yells, “Hey, you know anything about parachutes?” The man replies, “No, you know anything about gas stoves?”

 I’m a beer nut nut! What bar snack would you be and why?

I like the idea of being a trendy tapas, but I’m probably a pretzel…

Ahh, that beer hit the spot. Let me slip a drink coaster under your glass while you tell us—on a scale of 1 to 10—as a writer are you a messy desker or tidy desker? 

My husband would say I’m an 11, but I reckon about a 7. I’m not THAT messy. Will send a photo when I find it – it’s somewhere here on the desk, I’m sure…

The publican offers you free drinks all night if you will:

  • Dance to Gangnam Style
  • Sing John Denver’s ‘Take me Home Country Roads’ on the Karaoke machine
  • Spend an hour washing dishes

Which do you choose?

Are you kidding? Point the way to the sink.

Time to liven the place up. Got a buck? We can crank up the old jukebox in the corner. You get to pick three songs.

  1. Led Zeppelin “Whole Lotta Love”
  2. Rolling Stones “Dancing in the Street”
  3. ABBA “Dancing Queen”

An author, an agent and a chicken walk into the bar… how do you know which one crossed the road?

The agent and the chicken – the author would still be wondering about motive

There’s a stapler on the bar. Tell me what it’s doing there.

Someone’s planning the perfect murder. The stapler is integral to the plot.

The pub is the heart of a small town and most locals would be lost without one. What are three things you’d be lost without?

  1. My laptop
  2. My reading glasses
  3. Good coffee

There are a few good prizes up for grabs in the bar jackpot. Do you have a lucky number?

Do I have to have one? Ok, 7

Last drinks, my friend! It’s been great having you here. But before we go, tell us how we can find out more about you and your writing/books.

Simple: www.joannevanos.com

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Bar Yarns w/ Author – T.M. Clark

TMClarkAuthorPicture

I’m so glad you dropped in for a bar yarn with me, Tina. (I realise it was probably only to get away from tidying that desk!)

Here’s a beer coaster, how about you jot down your blurb for My Brother But One the back to kick-start our chinwag.

Scott Decker and Zol Ndhlovu are partners in a private game ranch in Zimbabwe. They have a friendship borne from Africa — a brotherhood that endures the generation gap — and crosses the colour barrier.

Australian Ashley Twine is a thirty-something dynamic achiever and a confident businesswoman. When a gender mix-up secures her a position on a volunteer program in the Hwange National Park, Ashley gets a chance to take stock of her life and reassess her situation. But the chauvinistic Scott — who runs the operation — is adamant she isn’t cut out for the job.

After Ashley witnesses firsthand the devastation left behind by poachers, Scott finds himself torn between wanting to protect Ashley or force her to leave Africa for her own safety…and his sanity. However, nothing can prepare her for being ambushed and held captive by the psychopathic Rodney — an old enemy of Zol’s — from a war fought years ago. But now that their world has been threatened, circumstances take hold of their lives and begin to shape and change them forever.

Set against a magnificent backdrop of Africa across the decades, T.M. Clark explores and challenges the traditions between the white and black families of rural Africa.TMClarkMBBOcover

Come on then, grab a pew. What can I get you to go with your beer nuts? (Shandy? Wine Spritzer? Pink Lemonade?)

I’m a cheap date – coke? Hot chocolate? Fruit juice would be great – thanks … I don’t drink alcohol…I know it’s not for lack of trying, body just doesn’t let me…

Hey, did you hear the one about … Tell us a joke (preferably one that comes with a punch line you actually remember!)

I’m so bad at jokes… I don’t get them half the time, I often have to smile, then go home and ask hubby what-the-heck was so funny… and I always mess up the pun – so … I’m taking my one life line here okay?

I’m a beer nut nut! What bar snack would you be and why?

They have snacks at the bars you go to? Gee I must try that place sometime… right a bar snack… Would have to be Droevorse…in English – “Dry vors” (said phonetically). Basically a South African snack food, it’s a dried sausage.  It’s got a thicker skin, but inside its full of flavours, a little unrefined and can be known to pack quite a punch…( they can came in chilli flavour…) Because  that’s how you find me most of the time.. once you get that harder layer off, I’m really nice inside…but fiercely protective and possessive – I guess a bit like chilli…

Ahh, that beer hit the spot. Let me slip a drink coaster under your glass while you tell us—on a scale of 1 to 10—as a writer are you a messy desker or tidy desker? (NB: 1 = “I am a neat nut case” and 10 = “What desk? Where? Is there a desk here somewhere?”) Are you game to post a working space picture right now?

10/10 for messy desker… have been known to have to move my keyboard along the desk to make room for the work on the left – or the cat… .just took a picture…. But it gets worse… look at the side of my desk.. still more to sort through… I would say I am a tower person – I pile things on top of each other until something almost falls over … I hate it if anyone moves things as I know where they are in the mess. But every now and again my hubby takes all the piles and puts them in a box and says – ‘sort… enough mess.’ He is so opposite to me, he is the neat freak and I feel so sorry for him having to share an office with my scatty brained self.

The publican offers you free drinks all night if you will:

  • Dance to Gangnam Style
  • Sing John Denver’s ‘Take me Home Country Roads’ on the Karaoke machine
  • Spend an hour washing dishes

Which do you choose?

Can I please use my second life line here??? Pretty please????

I can’t dance. I’m not naturally graceful at all. Sure, when I dance with hubby he makes me look good as he just leads me around and helps me find the rhythm, he is a great dancer, but me, alone, oh man I look like a spider on a hot stove… not a pretty sight at all.

My singing is so bad my teenagers always tell me ‘ssshhhh mum’ because I sound a bit like a cat getting strangled. I can’t believe I used to sing at school…mind you that was years ago….but incidentally I love that song!

And I am a true African Princess – I hate washing dishes, and will load the dishwasher and run it half full rather than do them myself in the sink…. Please don’t make me do dishes…

Time to liven the place up. Got a buck? We can crank up the old jukebox in the corner. You get to pick three songs.

  1. African Sky Blue – Juluka/Savuka and Johnny Clegg
  2. Wind Beneath My Wings – Bett Midler
  3. Home – Phillip Phillips

Only three, but there are so so many I wish I could play …

An author, an agent and a chicken walk into the bar… how do you know which one crossed the road?

Had to be the author as she was talking to the chicken on the other side, before seeing the agent, picking up the chicken and taking it with her, and then walking together into the bar like friends, even though she doesn’t know the agent and the poor chicken is dying of embarrassment because the author forgot to shave under her arm because she was on deadline and can’t spare the 5 extra minutes in the shower… but always has time to talk to an agent.

There’s a stapler on the bar. Tell me what it’s doing there?

Would have to be because the author was there with the agent and the chicken, and when she was digging in her monstrous bag to grab a business card that she dug from deep inside, the stapler spilled out onto the bar, along with an assortment of pens, note books, and bulldog clips, tatty magazine article tear outs (with hot pictures of scantily clad men) that she stole from the doctors rooms, and she was so busy talking to the agent she left all her stuff there… and that was why there was still a stapler on the bar when the barman put all the other cr** under the bar for safe keeping… but couldn’t put away the pink glitter covered stapler as it made him smile thinking of the owner, hoping she would come back…

The pub is the heart of a small town and most locals would be lost without one. What are three things you’d be lost without?

  1.  My iPhone. I know but honestly it has everything in it, diary, phone numbers, email, Facebook, Twitter –  EVERYTHING!
  2. My driver’s licence – I live on an island connected to the mainland by a 1km bridge.  Everything happens off the island, and the public transport isn’t      reliable. ( Read that as I’m not good at public transport…) I’d be lost without my licence to drive to all the ‘writer thingies’ I attend, and the lunches, and book launches and generally all the things one does, like shopping off the island…
  3. My hubby Shaun. Seriously, he is my other half. It’s been a work-in-progress marriage for almost 22 years now, and I would hate to loose him. Not only is he a fabulous critique partner, but he stabilises me – mostly, and makes me      laugh. And that’s huge in my world. He should probably go as no 1 but      hopefully at placed 3 there is less chance of actually losing him… oh and don’t worry when he does get lost and I don’t know where he is – I just ‘stalk my friend’ on my iPhone and find out where he is…LOL

There are a few good prizes up for grabs in the bar jackpot. Do you have a lucky number?

Your lucky number is: 14 & 46

Last drinks, my friend! It’s been great. But before we go, tell us how we can find out more about you and your writing/books. Oh, and you are giving one lucky reader (anywhere in the world!) a signed copy of My Brother But One. Comment away, folks, and to connect online… NOW CLOSED

AND THE LUCKY WINNER IS IN THE COMMENTS BELOW

Web site: www.tmclark.com.au

Email: tina@tmclark.com.au

My blog – e-Diary – http://www.tinaclark.com/Tina_Clark/e-Diary/e-Diary.html

Facebook

Twitter: @TinaMarieClark2

Goodreads

I use images a lot when I write so Pinterest has become my new best friend. I used to do collages, but now just flick through my Pinterest page and go – oh yes then start writing.

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/tinamarieclark2/boards/

You can buy my book from:

E-book – Apple App Store – https://itunes.apple.com/au/book/my-brother-but-one/id730800670?mt=11

E- book from Amazon – http://www.amazon.com/Brother-But-One-T-M-Clark-ebook/dp/B00G2V5PRY/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1385345864&sr=1-1&keywords=my+brother+but+one

 Ebook – Kobo – http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/my-brother-but-one

 Books from:

Target, Big W, Kmart

Book from Booktopia – http://www.booktopia.com.au/my-brother-but-one-t-m-clark/prod9781743564660.html

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Bar Yarns w/ just_a_girl, Kirsten Krauth (Merry Christmas Giveaway)

kristen kauth punkSome of you already know this demure debut author – sort of! Kirsten Krauth is not only a great new Aussie author to watch, she’s Editor of the NSW Writers Centre mag, Newswrite.

Kirsten and I met last September – author panel virgins at a NSW Writer Symposium.

A promotion powerhouse, mum, business owner – and more – Kirsten is a fun lady (as you can see by her profile pic – LOL) and a generous author, running a program on her blog for other debut fiction authors, so be sure to check out her blog addy.

But first, here’s a beer coaster, Kirsten. Would you mind jotting down the blurb for your book, just_a_girl, on the back?

just_a_girl tears into the fabric of contemporary culture. A Puberty Blues for the digital age, a Lolita with a webcam, it’s what happens when young girls are forced to grow up too fast. Or never get the chance to grow up at all.

Layla is only 14. She cruises online. She catches trains to meet strangers. Her mother, Margot, never suspects. Even when Layla brings a man into their home. Margot’s caught in her own web: an evangelical church and a charismatic pastor. Meanwhile, downtown, a man opens a suitcase and tenderly places his young lover inside.just a girl

just_a_girl is a novel about being isolated and searching for a sense of connection, faith, friendship and healing, and explores what it’s like to grow up negotiating the digital world of Facebook, webcams, internet porn, mobile phones and cyberbullying – a world where the line between public and private is increasingly being eroded.

Come on in. Grab a pew. What can I get you to go with your beer nuts? (Shandy? Wine Spritzer? Pink Lemonade?)

I’ll have a tequila slammer. Apparently tequila is the only drink you can have a lot of without getting depressed. Don’t forget the worm.

Hey, did you hear the one about …

Why did the man cross the road?

Because he couldn’t get his hat out of his underpants. Actually, that is my son’s favourite joke (at four). And my daughter has started saying it (at two). There are many variations including cats wearing underpants, pooey nappies, undies on head, bums with no underpants. But when my kids tell them, I find myself giggling hysterically. Some things never change.

I’m a beer nut nut! What bar snack would you be and why?

I’d head to San Sebastian and become a tapas in one of the bars in the old quarter. I’d be a skewer with anchovies, olives and peppers. Sharp, spicy, salty and slippery.

Ahh, that beer hit the spot. Let me slip a drink coaster under your glass while you tell us—on a scale of 1 to 10—as a writer are you a messy desker or tidy desker? (NB: 1 = “I am a neat nut case” and 10 = “What desk? Where? Is there a desk here somewhere?”)

That’s tricky. My ideal is about 2, where I can sit down with a clear, neatly ordered space and start. In practice, at the moment it’s about 8. On my desk I have a Carmen Miranda headband with plastic fruit (from my tap dancing concert a few months ago), three mugs with cold tea, a plate hidden up the back with some kind of banana on it, a phone that’s not plugged in and never used, three years of receipts for my BAS (I must get round to), a yoghurt pot from the Basque country and a black lipstick that I bought the other day when pretending to be a punk (see my profile pic).

The publican offers you free drinks all night if you will:

  1. Dance to Gangnam Style
  2. Sing John Denver’s ‘Take me Home Country Roads’ on the Karaoke machine
  3. Spend an hour washing dishes

Which do you choose?

Oh, there’s no choice. Gangnam Style. I’ve been dancing to it for years. Only if I can play the part of the horse, though. And someone else does the whipping bit. I have a weakness for dancing. Some people will wait for the right song to come on. But not me. I love disco. I have learnt tap, hiphop, salsa, African, jazz, belly dancing — but never ballet. Who can be bothered with it?

Time to liven the place up. Got a buck? We can crank up the old jukebox in the corner. You get to pick three songs.

  1. Stone Roses, Resurrection – to get the party into action
  2. Salt + Peppa, Push It – the best dance song in the history of the world when you’re very inebriated
  3. Nick Cave + The Bad Seeds, The Weeping Song – to regret your earlier actions (they lied about the tequila)

An author, an agent and a chicken walk into the bar… how do you know which one crossed the road?

Perhaps this links to my earlier joke. Look for the one with hands in their underpants. I don’t think many authors or agents can walk past a bar, even if it involves going on a long detour around the block – lushes, the lot of them. NEVER let an agent buy you a drink before signing anything.

NSW Symposium 09_13
And here is Kirsten ‘unpunked and pretty in blue’ at the NSW Author Symposium

There’s a stapler on the bar. Tell me what it’s doing there.

The publican uses it to murder all those who refuse to leave after last rounds, and insist on staying until ugly lights. Staple in the temple and locked up in an old warehouse ready for demolition. Sounds like The Wire, doesn’t it.

The pub is the heart of a small town and most locals would be lost without one. What are three things you’d be lost without?

  1. My kids waking me up at the crack of dawn every morning, while my husband snores beside me.
  2. A book, and a couch to read it on.
  3. Green spaces.

There are a few good prizes up for grabs in the bar jackpot. Do you have a lucky number?

7 (apparently nearly everyone chooses 7)

Last drinks, my friend! It’s been great. But before we go, tell us how we can find out more about you and your writing/books.

Come over and spend more time with me at Wild Colonial Girl or, if you’re in Castlemaine, always happy to smash a tequila down on the bar with you.

Find out more about just_a_girl: http://uwap.uwa.edu.au/books-and-authors/book/just_a_girl/

Buy my novel (paperback or ebook) at Amazon

Follow my blog at Wild Colonial Girl: http://www.wildcolonialgirl.com

Hang out with me at Goodreads

Visit me on Twitter (@wldcolonialgirl) or Facebook /wildcolonialgirl

GIVEAWAY TIME: It must be Christmas because Kirsten has pressies for two lucky readers: one printed and signed copy of just_a_girl and one e-book version.

Leave a comment below (and if you have a pref).  Comp closed. Congrats Elizabeth and Brenda.

If you enjoyed this Bar Yarn, there are lots more to come including more great giveaways. So you never miss a post, whack your email in the TELL ME! box (above/right).

Just wait until you see who’s dropping by for a Bar Yarn next. Prepare to giggle.